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Here are some questions you need to ask yourself before you say yes to sex: Why am I considering having sex? According to Dr. Mary Bruggeman, head of Dana Point Counseling Center in Dana Point, California, teens often enter into sexual relationships for the wrong reasons. "Some teens feel that everyone else is having sex, and something must be wrong with them if they're not." Studies have also shown that during the teen years females tend to have sex for more emotional reasons; to establish an intimate bond, to get closer, to show her love and to be loved in return. The same studies tell us that males often have sex to impress their friends, prove their manhood, or boost their egos. Will alcohol or drug use play into my decisions regarding sex? Dr. Bruggeman claims that research has shown that alcohol and drug use frequently play a role in influencing teens who would otherwise say no to sex. Sometimes peer pressure alone is enough to sway someone into going all the way. "It takes a very, very strong person to say no these days to all the temptations around them; drugs, booze and especially sex." Dr. Bruggeman reports. The use of alcohol or drugs can impair your judgment, causing you to be more susceptible to persuasion, and more willing to take chances with your body, risking pregnancy and disease. Am I considering saying yes to prove something to someone? Dr. Bruggeman feels that a lot of young women (and some young men) have sex because they think sex is the best way to show a person the love they feel, and having sex will guarantee that person will love them back. Becoming involved in a sexual relationship does not guarantee a commitment or a relationship, no matter how much you hope that it might. Does he claim that you're causing him physical pain by not having sex with him? Are you afraid to lose him if you don't have sex with him? Do you think sex will make your relationship better? Examine your reasons for considering sex, and don't let someone talk you into having sex before you're ready. If you're hearing lines like like the ones below, your partner may be trying to manipulating you into a saying yes: "If you really loved me…", "Show me how much you love me…", "Let me show you how much I love you…", "What's the matter? Are you scared?". Have I considered birth control? Each year one million girls get pregnant. That's one in ten! Forty-three percent of all adolescent will have been pregnant at least once by their 20th birthday. Dr. Bruggeman says that biologically, a girl has strikes against her because she can get pregnant. "A guy can always walk away when a pregnancy occurs." If you are considering having sex, consider these questions: How would you raise a child? Would abortion be an option for you? Would your partner stand by you and support you? What will you tell your parents? How will the relationship change if we have sex? Though people often feel that having a sexual relationship will make them closer, the reality is that in many relationships it can change the way two people interact with one another. How will I feel if the relationship should end? How will I feel in terms of my personal values and religious beliefs? Society has placed such a taboo on pre-marital sex, that guilty feelings almost always develop - more so for girls than guys. "Culturally, it's often viewed as okay for a guy to have sex, he gets a pat on the back, a girl gets called names," says Dr. Bruggeman. It's important to ask yourself these question: Do you have any religious or ethical feelings that may be hard to deal with afterward? Will there be an added level of dishonesty and deceitfulness in your life as a result of your decision? What kind of experience do I want my first sexual experience to be? You can control the circumstances surrounding a sexual encounter. If it is important to you that sex occur in a particular environment or under a particular set of circumstances, you should wait until those factors are in place. First-time sex is something you'll remember. Unfortunately, many teens end up remembering an experience they'd rather forget! Can I handle the responsibilities that go with being a sexually active person? Would you know where to go for an HIV or pregnancy test? Have you and your partner discussed having sex? (Talk it over when you're both calm—and clothed!) Do you feel comfortable seeking advice from your parents or another adult? Will your reputation be affected? Will you regret your decision? What are the motivating factors behind your wanting to have sex? Make a list of your strengths, your goals, your desires. Studies show that sexual relations can interfere with a person's academic achievement and their ability to focus on school and other personal goals. People who have plans and goals are more likely to control their health, their sexuality and be responsible in terms of reproduction. A guy who cares about you will be willing to wait. He'll have more respect for girls who stick up for their beliefs. Sex can be an awkward, intimate act. Baring yourself literally and emotionally can be difficult. "Sex begins with communication. If a couple cannot talk openly and take responsibility, they will not have a good experience with sex and that experience will set the tone in their relationships for the rest of their lives. It's so much easier to give in to the pressure than to wait until you're ready," Dr. Bruggeman says. Assert yourself from the beginning. Know where you stand, and then stand up for your beliefs. Sex that occurs as a result of pressure from someone else almost always has negative consequences. Giving in to someone else's wishes won't make someone like you more. You'll end up feeling bad about compromising on a decision that should be yours and yours alone. Don't compromise your feelings and principles. Before you consider having sex, consider your options. You are in control of your body, your life, and your future. If you say the word no and your partner doesn't respect your opinion, try these words instead: Good-bye! 5 Signs You Should Wait: If your decision regarding becoming sexually active centers around one of these fears, you should wait! 1. Fear of losing him 2. Fear of appearing immature or babyish 3. Fear of being viewed as a prude 4. Fear of being seen as inexperienced 5. Fear of what other people will think.